Senses

I hear:
- The clock on the wall in the living room tick-tick-ticking
- An airplane flying overhead
- The wet whoosh of tires on the snowy road outside
- My fingers clacking the keyboard

I see:
- Snowflakes falling gently outside, contrasted dramatically against the neighbor's blood-red house
- The soft rise and fall of my kitty's chest as she sleeps curled up next to me on the couch
- The red, pulsing light on the bottom of the television. [I wonder: Does it always do that? Why is it blinking?]
- A bouquet of flowers that my grandma gave me earlier today for my birthday. I notice how much water the flowers have already gulped up since I put them in the vase

I taste:
- The lingering taste of vegetarian moussaka from the Greek restaurant my grandma, mom and I went to for lunch

I smell:
- Cold. I don't know that "cold" actually has a smell, but I can feel the cold air every time I take a breath
- The faint scent of Burberry Brit purfume that lingers on my scarf

I feel:
- Cold.
- Peaceful.
- The warm fuzzy blanket covering my lap.

Minted Design Contest

I have a lot of free time these days. A lot. Not having a job will do that to you. And since I'm not too keen on watching soap operas all day, I have instead been giving my graphic design skills a workout and have submitted a few designs to Minted's "Keep In Touch" personal stationery challenge.

Thanks to the personal work I've been doing in The Courageous Year e-course, I noticed my inner critic coming up quite a bit as I designed and submitted to the contest. "Look at how good everyone else is. You'll never win... There are almost 600 entries. Why bother?... It's just one big popularity contest... You have no cohesive design style." But I feel good having submitted something, and I am glad I am putting my design skills to use again and seeing if stationery and wedding invitation design is something I want to pursue further.

Here are a few of my submissions. Voting will open soon, and although I don't have expectations of winning, it has been enjoyable to participate.

"Birdie Letters" Women's Personal Stationery and Envelope Label

"Overcaffeinated Executive" Men's Personal Stationery and Envelope Label

"Linked Chains" Women's Personal Stationery and Envelope Label

"Black Label" Men's Personal Stationery and Envelope Label

Wish*full Virtual Art Retreat

I was so excited when the Wishstudio blog announced it's upcoming virtual retreat called Wish*full. It is an online event where a number of amazing creative souls are offering online workshops over the course of a weekend. Some of the teachers include Christine Mason Miller, Lisa Occhipinti, Penelope Dullaghan, Susannah Conway and Lisa Fields-Elliot, my Squam roommate from last year!

More information can be found on the Wishstudio blog. If you are anything like me and find yourself a little short on funds (not having a job really puts a damper on all these e-courses and retreats I want to do!), then head over to the blog where you can learn about how to enter to win a spot in the retreat!

Birthday!

Today is my 27th birthday! It will be a low-key day today since my husband has class tonight, and I am beginning a ceramics/wheel-throwing class this evening. But tomorrow we are off to dinner in Chicago.

I was reminded of the concept of birthday-lists via Emma, who's birthday also happens to be today. She is creating a "24 Things to Do Before I Turn 25" list, and I was reminded that I had wanted to create my own "27 Things to Do Before I Turn 28." I just got through with establishing numerous New Year's goals, as well as setting goals for The Courageous Year e-course, so I'd like to make this a purely fun list of things--no pressure and focused primarily on enjoying myself, especially since one of my larger goals is to have more fun. So here we go.

27 Things to Do Before I Turn 28

1. Take a walk in the rain and enjoy it. [Completed 4/4/2010]
2. Bake vegan cupcakes. [Completed 5/5/2010, Coconut Lime Cupcakes for Cinco De Mayo]
3. Sell a piece of artwork. [Does design count? YES! Done 2/2010 - Minted Men's Stationery]
4. Get my hair cut, preferably something kind of sassy. [Completed 10/18/10, although not all that sassy.]
5. Get another cat when the current roommate moves out. [Reassessed; no cat]
6. Lay in the grass and watch the stars.
7. Have a breakfast picnic in the park by my condo.
8. Make 5 new friends in Chicago. [In progress!]
9. Visit the Nature Museum, especially the butterfly room.
10. Volunteer at the local animal shelter.
11. Go to a movie and make out with my husband in the back row like teenagers.
12. Write love notes for my friends telling them how great they are. [Did this for one friend; 4/28/2010]
13. Try taking a yoga class. [Completed 8/2010]
14. Go to Squam Art Workshops again. [Update: Decided not to go to Squam 3/20/2010. Paid off student loans instead!]
15. Vacation somewhere new in the USA - Seattle? Savannah/Charleston? [Completed 10/20/2010 to Charleston and Savannah]
16. Bake a homemade cake (NOT BOXED) for someone's birthday.
17. Take another class of some kind. [Completed 1/21/10 with a pottery class. Also took a million e-courses this year!]
18. Learn how to crochet a granny square the correct way. [Update: Done 1/23/10!]
19. Try out a Unitarian Universalist service at Unity Temple.
20. Sign up for the CSA again and use up all the veggies regularly. [Completed 6/2010-10/2010]
21. Make a mini-book. Examples: +, +, +
22. Eat a French macaron for the first time. [Completed 3/31/2010. DELICIOUS!]
23. Frame the artwork I've bought so I can get it on the walls. [Completed 11/13/2010]
24. Re-paint the living room so it doesn't feel like a cave. [Will do in early 2011!]
25. Go to at least one concert. [Completed 10/31/2010 - Mumford & Sons]
26. Make a photo tutorial for a craft and post it on my blog. [Done! 3/16/2010]
27. Write. (Because saying "do Morning Pages" seems like too big of a commitment!) [Done throughout year with blogging, Handmade Writer e-course, journaling]

Simple Abundance

I have been doing a daily reading ritual of Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It is a lovely book that has a passage or small lesson for each day of the year that aims to show you that you can shift your perceptions to embrace the joy of each day.

I loved a part of today's passage, which reads:
"Today, explore ways to see your world differently. Let your eyes drink in the beauty that surrounds you. Walk to a gallery on your lunch hour and meditate upon a beautiful painting or into your backyard this afternoon to catch that 'certain Slant of light' that so enthralled Emily Dickinson. Gaze into the faces of those you love, set the table with care, and relish the preparations you make for dinner, delighting in the presentation of your meal. Light the candles, pour wine or sparkling water in your prettiest goblets, and celebrate this new awareness. It is in the details of life that beauty is revealed, sustained, and nurtured."

It is a lovely reminder that those repetitive or mundane tasks that we do without much thought can be made special and beautiful simply by being present and giving them space to bloom into cherished moments within your heart.

Sunday Snippets

This photo was a bit of an overexposed fluke, but for some reason I really enjoy it. The transparency of the flower petals are so beautiful and delicate.

Happy Sunday, lovelies. I have felt a bit down-in-the-dumps lately, which has much to do with being cooped up in my condo and not wanting to venture out in the cold weather. I'm getting a little stir crazy without the structure I had while I was working. Plus, Etsy is currently down for maintenance. BUMMER. To cheer me up a bit, I decided to make a list of all my favorite fun things I'm enjoying lately.

- Cupcakes from Bleeding Heart Bakery. I most certainly made inappropriate noises while consuming a vegan chocolate peanut butter cupcake. More amazing BHB food porn can be seen here on Flickr.
- As a result of my mind-blowing BHB cupcake, I'm now determined to get my paws on the cookbook Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World.
- The Hangover. Totally a guilty-pleasure movie for me. I want to be friends with Alan. Only if he promises not to slip me roofies, though.
- This video of kittehs trying to run up a slide. Such determination! Such commitment!
- Homemade kettle corn using this recipe. Sweet. Salty. Yum.

I hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend!

Projects

I have taken this first week of unemployment as time to do whatever I please. It's a little gift to myself after the stress of the past few months at my former job. So I have been getting my hands messy with paint and glue, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, reading tons of books about vegetarian and macrobiotic diets, and I even signed up for a ceramics and wheelthrowing class, which is something I have wanted to do for a long time. It feels good to be a bit selfish for a little while. I needed to nurture my creative spirit, and I am seeing how important it is to consistently take care of myself in this way, and I will remain committed to doing so even after I find another job.





The Details:
Top two photos are of a series of 4 small mixed-media paintings on wood panels. The text is from the poem "From Blossoms" by Li-Young Lee, which a poet friend of mine picked to read at our wedding. The stanza here reads,

O, to take what we love inside
To carry with us an orchard, to eat
Not only the skin, but the shade,
Not only the sugar, but the days, to hold
the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into
the round jubilance of peach.

The last two photos are a piece I did for my husband, the optimist. He loves the quote "An optimist is one who's been treed by a lion, but enjoys the view." (I think the actual quote by Walter Winchell might vary slightly). So I created this tree scene overlooking hills and a beautiful sky. And that funny-looking thing on the right is a disc golf basket, as my husband is an avid and obsessive disc golf player.

Highs and Lows

Me with my "pink slip."

I have been absent for a few days because I was let go from my job on Tuesday in the 3rd round of layoffs at the company I worked for. And you might think, if the job wasn't right for me, isn't it a good thing to be let go? Well, yes, and my immediate reaction was a sense of relief at not having to deal with the many many job-related stresses and frustrations I had internalized, and I now have so many possibilities of paths to explore and pursue. I admit that I found myself smiling a bit after I had been let go. It was pure relief.

But, at the same time, I am struggling with definite rejection. I equate it to being dumped by someone that you didn't really like in the first place. There's a sense of, "Wait, you're DUMPING me? Sure I didn't really like you, but why am I not good enough for you?" I know I did so much for the company. I was the only marketing person, and I turned their marketing around. I had just started covering for my boss who went on maternity leave last week, so I had a lot of work on my plate, unlike most of the professional staff, who are just sitting around waiting for the company to get a new project. I know it's their loss. But if it's clear that I did so much, why couldn't they see my value? They said they appreciated everything I had done, but then why am I among the people being let go?

So I am finding myself with an odd mix of feelings. I suppose, like any major change, there are good and bad parts. I will be spending some time sorting through everything, and I would like to clear the air around the job so that I don't fall into the same patterns in the future. But I know in my heart of hearts, this is EXACTLY what needed to happen. I was previously having trouble making decisions to what was going to be my next step, and now I have been given the push to figure it out myself. It almost feels good to be here, because I realize I can't fall back on a job that wasn't right for me. I can't sit in my desk and stew and ponder over what I should be doing. The time is now. I trust that this is all for the best, and I look forward to the possibilities.

On Beginning

Beginnings are oh so hard for me. The possibilities seem overwhelming; the expectations paralyzing. What if it doesn't turn out the way I envision it in my head? What if I'm not good enough? What if I waste my supplies and canvases on messes and mistakes? I certainly feel so called to the arts and a creative lifestyle, yet I have had such trouble taking those first steps. It's not that I don't want to create, it's that I want to create so badly that I am terrified at the prospect of not being successful. So I procrastinate:

I "research" endlessly online, looking for more techniques and knowledge so I can be "better prepared." (I could do this forever and still not feel ready to create.)

I compare myself to established artists (who are obviously further along on their creative path than I).

I make excuses that I don't have enough room to create now that a friend has moved into our condo and is residing in what was formerly my studio space.

I sit down to create. I stare at the blank surface. I straighten my supplies. I clean my room. I stare at the blank canvas some more.

And yet I know better. I know it's about the process, and that I will learn along the way. I will improve with every piece, and I have no reason not to trust the creativity I know is there. I know I can ignore the voices from my past that haunt me and tell me that art is not a respectable or worthy pursuit.

So on this second day of 2010, a year I am committed to action, I sat down and began. Just some backgrounds. No judgments. No second-guessing. Just beginnings. And it feels good.

Word of the year 2010

Wow, am I ever glad to be ringing in the new year. This past year has been challenging to say the least. A friend's diagnosis with cancer, another friend heading off to Afghanistan, too many instances of unemployment among friends and family, job woes for those still employed, and a bit of a bumpy road with our first year of marriage. 2009 felt like it wasn't about achieving goals and resolutions, but simply trying to stay afloat and "just get by."

So, 2010, I welcome you with open arms. And at the heart of the many goals, wishes and resolutions I have for the coming year is one word:

This is my word for 2010. It felt like that was what was missing from 2009. Things felt like they happened to me, rather than any choice of my own. I was left feeling frustrated, whiny or sad because thing weren't happening according to my expectations; in actuality, I did very little to change or amend those situations. This year will be full of action. If something is not working, like my day-job, I will act. I will takes steps to improve, change or eliminate the situation rather than just sitting with it in discord. I admit this is scary for me. I will have to face feelings of fear at making the "wrong" choice, or at disappointing people. But changes need to be made, and I know it will be for the better to move through these things.

Step one will be dealing with that pesky job that is causing me so much stress, because it seems like the area where I need the biggest shift in terms of either my thoughts or my actual situation. So later today, I will begin Kate's "Stop the Job Suckage Challenge." Quite appropriate for my current state with my job, if I do say so myself.

Blessings in 2010.